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Tuesday, 11 August 2009

He’s out on his own…. Again

As DaddyRat told you, we’ve had some problems in the Rat household (excluding the rodent population who, as DaddyRat said, have been a constant source of support for us all) and so postings on this blog have become a luxury that we couldn’t afford, timewise.

Well, I’m now on holiday and have some time so here I am. I’m sat here quaking, because DaddyRat has sallied forth into the wild blue yonder in search of baby rats. Since our last post we’ve had a few sad times, losing our old man Fitzgerald (who fought death as he fought life, bless him), the poseur Tim (who loved having his photograph taken), lovely Nurse Delko (who was one of the kindest rats in the world), Carter (who wasn’t a people-person!), and Ross (who also wasn’t a people person). We now have 26 little residents but I’m convinced when DaddyRat returns we’ll be knocking on the door of 30 again although he’s been given strict instructions that No More Than Two should be purchased.

As DaddyRat said, the imports from April – Shovel, Splinter, Malone, Gibbs and Horatio – have all settled down and their own personalities have emerged. They’ve been joined by some new boys – Munch (who appears to be known now as Fake Shovel, for reasons which will become clear) and Ross (who appears to be known as Fake Woollie), and subsequently by Hotch and the new Fitzgerald. Shovel has usurped the title of World’s Favourite Rat from Colin (who is now the Grand Old Man of the cage) by sheer dint of personality – go to Rat Towers and There Is Shovel, at any time of the day or night. Shovel NEVER seems to sleep; he’s always on the go and is constantly in search of attention. He loves people and has such a sweet, tolerant nature – he’s quite happy being rolled and having his tummy blown on and being generally mistreated in the nicest possible way, just as long as he’s Getting Attention. As DaddyRat reported, Shovel loves to be inside the clothing of MummyRat – preferably next to skin… this is fine and dandy but Shovel comes equipped with a lethal set of talons on each hand and foot. MummyRat now resembles an extra from a Rambo movie, after suffering the loving attentions of Shovel. Fake Shovel looks very similar to Shovel himself and has ambitions in similar directions, which adds up to disaster for MummyRat’s person but is excellent for the local trade in TCP.

Another rat who has come to the fore as being especially affectionate is Simon – MummyRat remains to be convinced that this is out of sheer love of the human race and has an inkling that it might be due to his constant quest for anything Shiny. There was an unsavoury incident the other evening involving Simon and Gibbs working as a team to steal a crisp packet – Shovel acted as a decoy to get MummyRat’s attention while Simon and Gibbs spirited said crisp packet to the basement of Rat Towers. There was much scuffling and squeaking as MummyRat engaged in an ungainly bout of wrestling to retrieve the packet – the jury is still out as to whose language was the worst on that occasion.

There has been a further unseemly trend developing in Rat Towers too – this involves the molestation of Colin by three other rats, namely Kovac, Data and Fake Shovel. Colin is straight and is inclined to resent the attentions he apparently seems to attract from these rats who appear not to mind that the object of their desire is large and male and doesn’t return their love. Since Colin is the biggest rat in Rat Towers as well as the oldest and Fake Shovel is one of the smallest, it presents quite a spectacle when Fake Shovel has hold of Colin’s love handles, whilst Colin is doing a fine impression of Red Rum crossed with a bucking bronco around the cage, with Fake Shovel determinedly rogering away whilst maintaining a sprint that would put Ben Johnson to shame. As you can imagine, the long summer evenings just FLY by with such entertainment on offer.

Well, we’ll see how many babies DaddyRat comes home with. I’m sure Shovel is capable of keeping order, but I’m not sure I like the lascivious looks on the faces of Kovac, Data and Fake Shovel…

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